I tried so bleeping hard to stay up all day long, but now I can’t sleep through the night… I’ve been awake since 1am (that’s four-and-a-half hours) after 5 hours sleep, and it’s getting a little frustrating. The thoughts circle around my brain.
Leaving Paris was tough, and the reality of being back here in Brisbane is not an especially inspiring one. I’ve been starting to get that feeling that maybe we never left, all of the time overseas is starting to blur and fade. But when I mentioned this to Liam, he immediately said that there’s a big difference because his perspective’s changed and because he’s so much more confident about what he wants to do next.
I’m more confident too – I now know exactly which schools I’ll apply for, and if I get into more than one, which I’ll choose. I have a better idea about what I need to be working on playing-wise over the coming nine months, and I even have some more ideas for my masters paper and a clear image of what my next recital will contain (coming up on August 19 … eek!). I’m looking forward to setting myself up with a new routine and using this return to create a fresh start. And then there’s the fact that I saw and experienced many wonderful things in France-Switzerland-Germany, inspiring things and terrifying things, but also reassuring things.
It is a hell of a lot clearer what the next period of my life will contain, and where I hope to be headed. And that makes being back in Brisbane, with its all too familiar streets and supermarkets and birdsongs, not such a terrible thing after all.